the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
