I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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