There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
