oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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