An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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