my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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