Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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