HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
