After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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