Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
