I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
