i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
