once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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