I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
