And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
