just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
