haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
