Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do herpes really smell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
