SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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