fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
