The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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