I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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