Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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