MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
