I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
