This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
