forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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