M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
