I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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