I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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