That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
