May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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