i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
