When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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