why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
