in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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