I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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