is your mom at the bar?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
