Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
True college students do jello shots in the library
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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