Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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