You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
