Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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