Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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