That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
