i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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