All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
