Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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