I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
