It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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