My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
