Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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