The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im holly from the hills drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
