when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
