adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
