Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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