What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
