heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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