we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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