no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
