You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
