oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
