You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
