I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
