margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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