i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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