You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
