She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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