We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Everything about him screamed your future.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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