For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
