I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pants are for mortals
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
