You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
