What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
