I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
