Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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