Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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