On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize