Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
